Wait...did I just agree with Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepard?

Ok so this is sort of old news, but I am watching Dog the Bounty Hunter and you know how that gets the intellectual juices flowing. So Dog, real name Duane Chapman, got his show cancelled after his son leaked a voicemail message to the National Enquirer in which Dog called his son's girlfriend a "nigger." It was somewhat rambling and ironic considering he explicity stating he didn't want the tape leaked, but the bottom line was he used a racial slur to refer to a black woman. Anywho, hullabaloo ensued and after a tearful appearance on Larry King and some ass-kissing to Rev. Al Sharpton Dog is back on A&E. And I like the show. I like that they are white trash and so proud of it. I also love that Dog's wife Beth is a strong woman with HUGE Dolly Parton tits, that you can tell are totes real. But what I find to be really interesting is the fact that the first two new episodes of the program show Dog being overly friendly with black people. I know this isn't really strange, but over the past two seasons I have been watching there really haven't been that many black people on the show. Since Da Kine bail bonds, Dog's business, is based out of Hawaii, the only people of color usually shown are native Hawaiins and Somoans. What is strange is how the show seems to be blatantly trying to "prove" that Dog is not racist. In one episode he actually says to a black woman, whose son he is trying to find, "different color, same heart." I guess it is valid that A&E are actively try to show how tolerant Dog is, but it always seems strange to me when people need to "prove" that they aren't racist. I mean, shouldn't you just not be racist?

Which brings me to The View. Oh yes, The View. I don't really watch The View anymore since Rosie O'Donnell left although I am increasingly becoming aware of how awesome Whoopi Goldberg is (anyone who makes Elisabeth cry is awesome in my book). So a couple weeks back the ladies, including Babwa that day, decided to talk about the N-word. In the course of the conversation Whoopi claimed that black people calling eachother "nigger" or "nigga" was a way of taking back the word and using it for good instead of it's negative connotations and Sherri agreed. Which made Elisabeth fighting mad and eventually made her break down in tears because she believes that word she never be used, ever by anyone because of it's connotations. And to be honest, I agreed with both of them.
This is what Webster's Dictionary says Nigger means:
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of earlier neger, from Middle French negre, from Spanish or Portuguese negro, from negro black, from Latin niger
Date: 1786
1: usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a black person
2: usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
3: a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons "it's time for somebody to lead all of America's niggers…all the people who feel left out of the political process" — Ron Dellums.

So there you go, in any case, it is a word that is considered offensive. But it is a word. I believe in the power of words, I believe words matter a great deal. But in this case, I can see both sides of the issue. As a person who believes words matter and as a person that staunchly defends free speech, I agree that anyone and everyone theoretically should be able to use the word "nigger." It's your right to use it if you want, in what way you want. It's the law. However, as someone who can empathize with those who have been called a "nigger" based solely on their race or have racial slurs hurled at them for any number of reasons and one who has studied, albeit in a limited way, racism in America, I also understand how people can be incredibly offended by its usage in any way by anyone.

I can't remember when I first heard the word. My parents don't use it, but my dad's father did. I don't know if I would necessarily consider by grandfather a "racist" for using the word as it was in common usage when he was growing up, nor do I consider my other grandfather racist when he refers to black people as "negroes." I have bi-racial cousins from many different races, including African American, and I have never once felt that they were different in any way based on the color of their skin. But even though I can't remember when I first heard the word, I can tell you that it offends me.

The word "nigger" offends me because all racial slurs offend me, and I don't really care who says them. I stiill find it offensive. I believe that using words such as racial slurs denote a certain ignorance of those using them and in general, they make me uncomfortable. I don't believe that at this time, racial slurs are being used to develop better race relations in this country. It's just what I believe. But many people find words offensive and I don't believe that others finding words offensive should make them any less important or usable. For example, one of my friends doesn't curse. She just doesn't. She feels that she can express herself without profanity. She just doesn't use those words. And if she told me that my usage of profanity offended her I would try to tone it down when I was speaking with her. We're different people, with different personalities and with different ways of expressing ourselves. And I would like to say it's as simple as that. But I think we all know it isn't.

This is where it becomes a double-edged word because as much as the word "nigger" offends me, I don't necessarily think that should stop others from using them. If someone wants to use words in a certain way, who am I to tell them to stop? But this also has a contradiction, in that if people are using words in a way meant to perpetuate racism or further the ideology of unequal race relations in this country, don't I, as someone whose moral and ethical background forbids this type behavior, have a duty to stand up for what I believe in and stand up for those who are still being discriminated against today? It's a tough question for me, because as much as I believe in freedom of speech and as much as I hate censorship. I can't be right with people using words against others. And the whole subject of race, makes it that much harder.

This is what confuses me.
I can say this: No one, not anyone of any race, should be able to say the word "nigger" because of it's negative connotations. Besides slavery, besides segregation, besides all of that. Bottom line, "nigger" is a slang term and it is a racial slur. Racial slurs aren't nice and I dont' agree with them. Period.
I can also say this: Everyone should be allowed to say the word "nigger" because it is only through common usage that the word will shed its negative connotations and open up a bigger forum for people of all ethnic backgrounds to discuss race relations and perhaps make the negative usage of this world obsolete
Or I can say this: Only black people should be able to say the word "nigger" because they are black and "nigger" is a slang term for black person. They can say the word as a means to take back this bit of language and make it into a positive.

If I say number one, I'm not being fair. I can't tell someone what and what they can not say in their own home. If I say number two, I'm saying that it is ok for people to use the word, even if it means they are using it in a hateful matter. And if I say number three, I am effectively saying that one racial group can "own" a word, which is a little absurd to me. Plus, I am not at all convinced that just because black people are black, they use the words in a positive sense.

So a white person calls someone a "nigger" and black person calls someone a "nigger." They both mean the same thing. They both mean no harm or ill will towards said someone. Yet it is different. It's different because one person is white and one person is black.

Richard Pryor was from Peoria, which is near where I live. He was hilarious and his ability to laugh at himself made him even funnier. But he cursed. And he used racial slurs a lot. But he wasn't selective on the racial slur front. I was once watching a comedy central special early one morning and it was an older Richard Pryor set. He used the word "honky" to refer to a white person. Everyone laughed in the audience, even the white people. While I didn't necessarily think it was uproariously funny, I was a little confused. If white people can laugh at a black person using a racial slur towards them, then why is it not ok for a white person to laugh at a black person using a racial slur towards black people. After all, it is comedy. This is a common occurrence in comedy. Dave Chappelle told Oprah that he walked away from his hugely successful sketch comedy show, The Chappelle Show, after he made a joke using the word "nigger" and a white person in the audience laughed a little too loud. There seems to be a double standard. It is guilt? It's been statistically proven that racism is not just ideological in this country, it's is political and economical. And it's not just about black people. No, in the United States of America, institutionalized racism has effectively shut out Native Americans, African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, and just about every other person you could categorize as "non-white." Do I as a middle-middle class white American feel guilt? Is that the reason I can not speak the dreaded N word aloud? Do somehow I feel that because, statistically, I will have a better life than most people of color, simply because I am white, I need to prove my tolerance and acceptance by specifically avoiding any words that could be misconstrued as racist? I don't know the answer to that.

So this is the conundrum that I never wanted to be in. Am I an Elisabeth. Or am I a Sherri? To be honest, I don't know. But I do know, I would never use the word to refer to a black perosn or any other person for that matter. I do know that if I ever raised children, I would never teach them to use the word in any form. I do know that the word is viewed many different ways by many different people and no one person can have the definitive answer to it's moral and ethical question.

"For a Woman"

I came across this poem tonight while I was doing research for my London tutorial and for some reason it just made me so unbelievably sad. The poem was written by Erika Huggins, a major player in the Black Panther party, while she was in jail for murder. I do not know if I was so moved by the beautiful poem itself as I was by the realization that 38 years later, it's not going to get any better.

to carry life

to bear it

to be aware of the beauty

of man/to create/is to

become sorrowed by those

who, unaware, kill/exploit/

plunder/dehumanize.

there are times when sorrow

becomes mixed with joy

tears with smiles

it is then the innocence

of the innocents tears at your soul

your mind

carrying a new person, another life

awakens all of you in you-

the world can be so harsh, so cruel

and you as a new you,

a servant of creation, are

defensive

afraid

sometimes alone

even, with many people

you want to protect him/her(the new life)

from society's cruelty-

you will see

you can

not.

Huey Newton and Erika Huggins, Insights and Poems, San Francisco: City Lights Books, 1975, pp. 43-44

Now...what can you do with that?

The top four respsonses I get when I tell people I am attending a small liberal arts college just outside Chicago and double majoring in U.S. History and American Studies:

4) I thought you were majoring in English/Journalism.
3) Oh. I hated history.
2) Oh? To teach?
1) Now what can you do with that?

I resent all four of these responses for a number of different reasons. Let's dicuss.

Actually, number 4 I don't really resent as much as I become annoyed. The number 4 respsonse usually comes from my parents' friends, my friends' parents, and just yesterday the former business teacher at my high school who had a history of getting sauced on her lunchbreak and also believed I was attending Eastern until last summer. This response, in reality, comes from my being raised and going to school in an small town as well as my successful two year run as editor of my high school newspaper. So in this case, I gently correct people.

I do, however, resent number 3. Firstly, I am very sad and disappointed to hear anyone anywhere say they hated history. I understand that the study of history is not for everyone. And I realized that if I, a double major in history and cultural studies, think the study of history is sometimes tedious, many who don't share my passion for the discipline will feel the same tenfold. However, I do not know why people need to relay this information on to me? Is it to make me feel better? To say "good job, you are doing something there's no way in hell I would do!" or to say "oh...that's completely irrelevant." Either way, I believe that people could find a better way of saying both of these things. Although irrelevant pretty much stings either way.

Number 2 is easy to resent, considering I have heard it about 3,479 times since I entered University (that's a guesstimate). I am not opposed to teaching. In fact, that is what I planned to do up until my spring semester of my freshman year. And I am not ruling out the possiblity of becoming certified later on in my life. But to insinuate that the only thing history majors can do is teach, is pure ignorance. And ignorance pisses me off.

Number 1 is my all time favorite. "Now...what can you do with that" is a phrase that sends chills down my spine. I have heard this so many times, spoken by so many people that I can practically feel the question in the air. A couple of weeks ago, I saw one of my cousin's friends whom I've known since I was a baby. And although making small talk is something I can rarely do correctly, working at a grocery store makes this activity inevitable (although I still maintain the right to walk away from any conversation beginning with the phrase "Do you have a cream for...?"). So we started talking. She asked me the usual questions, including what my major was. So I told her. "Oh really," she replied "Now what can you do with that?" I smiled politely, as I was on company time, and said that I was tentatively planning to attend a graduate school of social work. She nodded and proceeded to tell me that her husband, a lawyer, had also majored in U.S. History as an undergrad and then gone on to law school. And for a few seconds I was appreciative. Hopeful even. It was nice to finally hear someone relaying a good, heartwarming story about the merits of historical study. Until she said it. She followed her miniature anecdote by laughingly stating that her husband just tells people his undergraduate degree is "useless."

Shock.

As annoyed and resentful as I get from all the stupid questions I field regarding my decision to major in history, I have never felt so insulted.

I thought, how dare someone imply that a discipline I am spending upwards of $25,000 a year to study is "useless?" How dare someone tell me that something I have been dedicated to since I was a child is "useless?" How dare someone insult thousands of historians throughout this country that make meaningful and desparately needed contributions to American society and culture by calling their life's work "useless?" I know she was making conversation. And I know she was trying to relate. And I know that she didn't mean anything by it. But it pisses me off.

Education is never "useless." Everything that I have done while at University, every class I have taken, every seminar I have been to has contributed to my growth as a human being and helped me to be a contributing member of society. I have learned from every history class I have ever taken. Three of the most profound educators that I have ever met, have dedicated their life to this "useless" craft.

I could write an entire blog about how history has impacted my life. This country. The world. But I wouldn't want to waste time on "useless" banter. I will say, however, that I maintained a 4.0 GPA this semester. And I worked hard to make that happen. I studied hard. I spent late nights and early mornings writing papers, researching, creating presentations, and studying for tests, midterms, and finals. I spend the night before my grandfather's funeral taking notes. Holiday weekends were spent reading. I went to class when I was sick. I worked hard. I did this because I want to be the best student I can be.

I want to be a good historian. I want to make my life worthwhile by becoming an informed human being and member of society. I want to study past events and decipher their hidden meanings. I want to look at primary sources and uncover what they can tell us. I want to know people and see places and do things through the study of history. I want to understand why our country is in the state that it is now. I want to understand this so I can change it. I want to change the world. By studying history. And if that is "useless" then we're all fucked.