The problem with being a masturbating Catholic

As a result of two major research projects I have hanging over my head, as well as my online class, I have decided to get down to business. The first order being to find a place to put all of my research/class materials. After finding and declining several possible choices, I decided to clean out a little cubbie in my bedside table which would have enough room to house my laptop and/or research materials. In doing so I found various odds and ends, including a condom from a health clinic in San Salvador that I took as a souvenir which, ironically, was manufactured in Korea. At a complete loss as to what to do with the unwanted, but completely usable junk I decided to just throw it all in the drawer right underneath the aforementioned cubbie. I opened the drawer and moved all the junk in there around to make room for the new copious amount of crap and grabbed some books to throw in the drawer. One of them was a dictionary which I apparently bought for $1 at K-mart and the other was entitled God's Little Devotional Book for Teens. I remember when I got this. It was a present from a family that I babysat for for about 6 years until I left for University and their kids grew up. For some reason they would usually give me religious themed gifts (they were hardcore Catholics), which I would graciously accept then never look at again. Thus, it ended up with a condom from San Salvador by way of Korea. As I move to put the book into the drawer I realize that I am about to lovingly nestle my God's Little Devotional Book for Teens right next to my vibrator and a copy of Emmanuelle. While I obviously have no problem with vibrators or underground French erotica, I just could not bring myself to put even the most secular of religious texts next to either one. Maybe it is some weird sense of decency. Maybe it's the Catholic guilt in me. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to think of my seventh grade catechism teacher referring to masturbation as "self abuse" everytime I reach for my vibrator to do just that. In any case, I decided to throw the book out. In a couple months I won't even be a teenager anymore, much less need a devotional book to help me get through the day. Sex can wait. Masturbate.