The Morning After

Ugh. That sort of sums up how I feel right now, both emotionally and physically. Thanksgiving was yesterday and even though we are in London where food is always a little runnier and a little less flavorful than food in the U.S., we had a pretty awesome Thanksgiving feast if I do say so myself. Thanksgiving porn below:

So Thanksgiving was pretty cool. About a month ago I was lucky enough to find an American food store in Amsterdam where I found my french fried onion rings and last week Jenna and I found an American food store in Hampstead where we found stuffing, OceanSpray cranberry sauce in a can (!) and lots of other awesome things to make an awesome Thanksgiving. Here's a pic of me in action.

But Thanksgiving was also sort of sad too. Thanksgiving and other holidays are always a really big deal for my family because I have such a big extended family so it was sort of sad that I wasn't able to spend it with them, although I am not sure I would have traded Thanksgiving in London for Thanksgiving anywhere. Thanksgiving also marks the end of my time here and I can't believe that I will be leaving in less than a week. I almost don't know how I feel about it. I am definitely ready to move out of my flat and get out of the negative vibes that are currently forcing me to be holed up in my room, but I don't necessarily want to leave London. I am excited to get out of this flat and not have negative people in the program affect my life. I am excited to go back to Dominican and start classes and go to El Salvador in the spring. And I am excited to see Sarah and go to Chipotle and see the play she's been working so hard on in December. And I am excited to get back into a normal routine. But I am not necessarily excited to leave. It's a strange emotion that I can't really explain.

I have learned so much while I was here. And not just about British history, life, and culture. I really feel as though I have learned a lot about myself. And even though that wasn't always easy, I think it was ultimately a good thing. I feel like I know who I am now, which is a good thing. Even though some people who were in my life let me down and even though people I considered friends turned out to be very different people than who I thought they were, everything was still a learning experience and I really found out that I do not need anyone else. I can do things on my own and I do not need reassurance from anyone or anything. In a way I think that knowing you can be alone is liberating, especially when the people you relied on for support turn out to be kind of sucky at respecting and caring about you as a person. I still have people that I care about and I still have people I don't care about. I still have people I would consider friends and I still have people I wouldn't consider friends. And that's ok. That's normal. It's what everyone has. But the most important thing is that I still have myself and although I'm far from perfect and sometimes I can be a bitch and sometimes people have problems with what I say or do, I'm still ok with myself. And I think it's nice, for once, after trying to change myself for others or trying to hide my true feelings from friends, that I can say this is it. Take it or leave it. It's empowering in a way.

I think that this blog has been pretty negative the past couple months which is strange because I really don't feel like my time here has been completely negative. Of course there were negative points, but overall I think my time here has been pretty awesome. So I think I should turn over a new leaf. I am no longer going to let assbag people bother me. And if I do, I definitely won't blog about it. Although how fucked up is it that I made a Thanksgiving dinner for some sucky suckface who I do not even like and refuse to associate with? Ok that's it. Last blogging point about assbag people. There it is.

God Save The Queen

Do you see what I see?

Oh yeah....

Exhalation, Exaltation

Wow. That word pretty much sums up the last 21 months of what was the longest presidential campaign in U.S. history. Wow. It's tough for me to write this blog because it's hard for me to put into words what I am feeling. Usually this is not the case. And usually I can actually state my feelings better with the written word. But this is going to be tough. I voted for the first time in the primaries in February and I voted for Barack Obama. The first time I saw Obama was in 2004. I was actually on vacation at the time and I was in a hotel watching the news with my parents. When I saw him take the stage at the Democratic National Convention and heard him speak with such intelligence and grace. I knew. I knew he was going to do something great. And I was right. I was almost 16 at the time and I had a lot of growing up to do, I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I knew then and I know now what I want my future to be, what type of world in which I want to live. And I think Barack Obama can lead our country into a great future and change the world in the process.

I'm in London right now and the presidential race has been a hot topic since I got here in August and probably long before then because the affairs of the U.S. are global and effect everyone worldwide. Today I saw a headline in a London newspaper that was essentially asking if Obama's win would open the door for a black Prime Minister. The actions of Americans, the act of voting a African-American man president has become an historic event for the entire world. Also apparently France hates the U.S. just a little less now. Which is nice...I guess. But that is really unimportant to me right now. Because as much as I care about how U.S. politics affect other countries and as much as I care about how other countries view the U.S. yesterday was not about them. It was about us. It was about the United States of America choosing the leader that will work the hardest for our country and for the first time in 8 years will heal our nation.

I know that Barack Obama being an African-American is important not only for our country, but for the world. And I, as a white woman born in 1988, also realize that I will never fully understand the struggle for civil rights for which many have fought so hard and sometimes died. But I do not see Barack Obama as the first African American president. I do not see him as black or white. Because his race has nothing to do with his intelligence, his grace, his wit, or his character. Of course, I can see that he is African-American and of course I can understand how that fact would affect his life. But to me Barack Obama is not just a black man. He is a good man. And his race has nothing to do with the fact that I think he will be an outstanding leader.

For once I'm not going to get political. I am not going to hash it out between Barack Obama and John McCain because it doesn't really matter right now. Because right now, for the first time in 4 years, I believe in something again. And for the first time in 4 years I am not afraid of the future. For the first time in 4 years, I have hope.

Bring it on.