Thank you, Steve Perry. Thank you.

So I was listening to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" and I'm pretty sure I had a life changing moment. People are always asking me what I want to do, what am I going to do, how am I going to make a living...blah blah blah. And I always tell them that I am going to go to grad school in social work. But that isn't really an answer, it's just something I tell people to get them to shut up. Because the truth is, I don't know what I want to do. I have no motherfucking idea of what I am going to do, how I am going to do, and with whom or what I am going to do it. Jesus, my foot is falling asleep, I don't even know if I am going to be in the same bodily position in 5 minutes. And people expect me to know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Until I die. See the thing is, there are too many things. Too many things I want to do. I want to be a lawyer and work on civil rights cases. I want to be a social worker and work in the inner city developing communities or work as an adoption counselor helping kids find families who deserve them. I want to work for the state department, maybe work in a U.S. embassy or consulate somewhere. I want to work for the CIA condensing and typing massive intelligence reports. I want to live on a hippie commune and not eat refined sugar for a year. But here's the conundrum. In all of those statements I said that I wanted to "be" this and "be" that. But I already am somebody and something. Should not who I am reflect my choice of career? So who the fuck am I? I guess the question really is: to be or not to be? But fuck Shakespeare for a sec and honestly ask yourself if it is realistic for a 20 year old to know what he or she wants to do? There are so many opportunities and possibilites that it's completely overwhelming. I guess being in London and having so much to do in so little time coupled with the fact that I will be graduating in a year and half (!) has made me totally paranoid about my future. I've tried lots of things to remedy this problem. I have prayed, made a pro and con list, talked to my parents, talked to my friends, cried. But nothing seems to work and I really don't think Jesus cares where I go to grad school. So I am stuck. What do I do. Do I Robert Frost that shit or do I conform and just do what people expect of me? Go get certified as a teacher and spend the rest of my life helping third graders make pilgrim hats out of construction paper? Or teach smart ass junior high kids about the branches of government? I keep telling myself that Pocahontas went down the winding river and it took her on the right path (you know except for her dad trying to kill her boyfriend and then her dying at 21) and Elle Woods went to law school and she only had a degree in fashion. But these examples aren't comforting anymore. I have to grow up and decide for myself what I want to do. So I was listening to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" and I had a life changing moment. A revelation if you will. I realized there are no revelations. You do what you do and if you're wrong then suck it up and keep going. I can't waste my time waiting around for my parents, friends, or advisor to tell me what I should do. I have to go this one alone. It's not going to be easy, but I believe in God or something like her. Some Power of the Universe pulling the strings and tripping you up when you need it. I just need to open myself to the Power. Let it guide me where I should go. I can't waste time on regrets and the "what ifs" if I really want to change where my life is going. I'm sure Steve Perry has been right about many things in his life and although his belief that mullets are attractive was not one of those things, I think he spoke to my heart tonight. I can't stop believin' and you know what, I do have to hold on to that feeling. So thank you Steve Perry. Thank you for showing me the light. Although now. I kind of want to join the Red Sox too