Marie Osmond...

Fainted. She did a dance on T.V., got really out of breath, and fainted. She fucking FAINTED!! Marie Osmond fainting is all I have heard for the past week. Why? I don't know. But clearly it's so important that Entertainment Tonight MUST not only interview her, but also interview her brother who gives a play by play of her 5 second fainting spell FRAME BY FRAME on his laptop. They also do a dramatic re-enactment of the event with Barbies. Guess who is dressed up at Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. You think I'm kidding. I couldn't make this shiz up if I tried. Among the reasons for her fainting: her diet (damn you Nutrisystem!) her divorce (you had to bring that up, didn't you Mary Hart, you evil evil bitch) and various other reasons because after all being a C list celebrity (and a little bit country!)is very very stressful. Marie Osmond you suck major balls. Next time you are on the news it better be for coming on stage wearing stilettos and a strap-on to eat a live puppy.