My Uterus is not a blender.

My vagina is my business. What it looks like, what I do with it, how I take care of it and what I put inside it is my business. If my vagina is my business, it stands to reason that my uterus is my business too. And if my uterus is my business then it also makes sense that the decision to have children would be my business, but it seems in America's pseudo-equal, anti-feminist, God-fearing society my uterus is anything BUT my business. In America my uterus makes headlines. In America my uterus is tabloid fodder. In America my uterus is a sermon. In America my uterus makes laws and breaks laws. In America my uterus is bi-partisan. In America my uterus is not mine.
I played house when I was young. I had the the play kitchen set with the fake food. I had the baby dolls, the strollers, the bassinets, the bottles. I had everything to make the perfect home. When I played house, I was always the dad. Whoever my playmate was at the time was stuck at home with the screaming kids to do dishes and clean (I even had an apron for good measure). I waved goodbye to my "wife" and "kids" everyday and went to work where I would undoubtedly spend my days taking part in much worthier causes which, at the time, probably included teaching or working at a pet store. While Freud would attribute this behavior to "penis envy" I, of course, would disagree. I believe my reluctance to fully engage in the mother role, even while role-playing, is directly related to the fact that I have never, as long as I can remember, really wanted to have children. I was five when I asked my mother where babies came from. She told me that when two people got married, God put a baby inside the woman. Then she showed me a PBS program in which they film a woman giving birth. I decided I was not having kids. My mother told me to wait until I was older. When I was thirteen, in my health class, we watched the same PBS program in which a woman is filmed giving birth. Even though I certainly recognized my mother's explanation was flawed: two people need not be married to have a baby ( in truth, they need not even know each other's names) and God need not have the final word in the conception of a child, the video still had an impact. I decided I was not having kids. My mother told me to wait until I was older. I'm nineteen now. Some people I went to high school with are having children. Family members younger than me are becoming mothers. A few months ago I was reading a book written by women in the early 1970s about women's health issues. I read a two page spread displaying pictures of the various stages of birth. While I was no longer disgusted or embarrassed by seeing a birth, I still made a very important decision. I decided I was not having kids.
I love the fact that I am a woman. I love the fact that I have breasts, a uterus and a vagina and I've come to not even mind having my period that much. I love being a woman. I do not love being made to feel like, because I am a woman, I need to fulfill certain roles whether those roles be defined by society or by God. My unterus is not a blender. It is not a vaccuum, it is not a Express Cooker 101. My uterus is not something I bought off of a late night infomerical and look at guiltily every time I notice it gathering dust on the bottom shelf. My uterus is mine. And I can do whatever I want with it.
It is a valid assumption that women should have children. Nature has given women the ability to carry human life. Women hold the key to the perpetuation of humanity. And so do men. But if both sexes are needed in the conception of a child, why is there a double standard when it comes to having children? When a man is single and childless he is living a bachelor life. He is the envy of many. He is self-sufficient. He is independent. He is a man's man. When a woman is single and childless she is frigid. She is emotionally unavaible. She is unable to conform to her female role. She is ugly. She is unable to find fulfillment in her life without children. She is not a real woman. Why does this double standard exist? Why does society do nothing to stop this blatant disrespect of women who choose to lead a life different than the traditionally projected female role.
I do not know how to solve this problem. It is a problem that sociologists and historians have been trying to understand for years. It is a problem that feminist writer and sociologist Betty Freidan called "the problem without a name." It is a problem that continues in America and all over the world today. When I express my desire to remain without children and my desire to stay unmarried, I find that many are incredulous. I remember a conversation I had with one of my friends when I was 17. She was speaking of her future plans. Graduate high school, go to college, get married by 23, and start a family. I told her of my future plans. Graduate high school, go to college, get a job doing something I love. I told her I did not want to get married or have children. She looked stunned "but you HAVE to get married!" she said. She was 17. So young and so full of life. Yet it was all overshadowed by her belief that women must get married and have children. Women must somehow conform to what people think they should be. But this is not an individual problem for women. It is collective. It is pervasive. It is continuting in American society today.
I do not have any answers to this problem. I do not know how an entire generation of young women can be re-taught that being a woman does not automatically mean being a wife or mother nor does is mean giving up anything to men. I do not know what to tell those women who wake up one morning with three kids and two mortgages and realize that they have given their life away for the ideal image of a woman that does not and never will exist. 87 years ago women gained the right to vote. 47 years ago women were given access to oral contraceptives. 34 years ago women were given the right to choose whether or not to have an abortion. It has been a long road for women. The female sex has refused to be beaten down. It took marches on Washington, protests, and jail-time to give women control over their bodies. But now a whole generation of women are quietly giving these rights back. A whole generation of women are submitting to the oppressors. Intellectually shackled and physically restricted, the young women of this generation are shaming our foremothers and weakening our sex. They are disgracing women. This is not a feminist stance, this is not a political stance, and this is not a religous stance. This is a human stance.
I do not know what to do to combat this problem. I do not know how to tell people that giving birth is not a "woman's lot in life." I do not know how to change anyone's belief on where women should be in society. But I do know some things. I know that I do not want to have children. I know that I do not want to get married. I know that those two things do not define me as a woman.
I am strong. I am sexy. I am powerful. I am courageous. I am vibrant. I am intelligent. I am funny. I am a woman.